Wednesday, November 4, 2009

aussie's holy grail...

the cup, the melbourne fucking cup. the much flaunted highly hocked chalice of equestrian dreams & extremely bad hat days... why hello ganymedes.

i already loathed it as an institution but this year not only did i buy into the mass consumption of drinking way too much champagne in a paddo pub & having "a little flutter" thereby hypocritically supporting the brutal national tradition of RSPCA listed horse-beating midgets with short man syndrome who stop the nation, i got so plastered i lost someone else's keys.

who knew car keys could be so designer, even more so than a david jones top shelf ornate fancier? once the final tally is totalled it looks like it was quite an expensive day out. i'm not alone, but happily surrounded by a national league of losers.

malaysian magnate, datuk tan chin nam whose horse "viewed" won last year had three horses run and lose all in the same race. overpriced cat food anyone? but wait there's more: a record 95.6 million AUD was bet just in the states of NSW and victoria. the winners apart from "shocking" were the bookies as they didn't have to shell out on favourites. drink more, the answer really does lie at the bottom of the glass, err cup.

why did i fall off the pedastal & succumb i can't say... there was a combination of factors but mostly it was just an excuse to drink. for a corner shop dwellers tête-à-tête, to do a little bashing of my own. my liver needed to be firmly put back in its place. as a writer who takes such a challenge very seriously it's hard to resist such an invitation even if it hinges on flagrantly crossing certain ideologies. justification buys a lifeline of grey shades when push comes to shove. morals for sale, going cheap... champagne for everyone!

but that was a long time after i was suddenly overcome by a desire to don red garb; a T shirt, a cap [see bad hat day] maybe AND to fly, fly away & discover. somewhere else... apparently dubai is very nice at this time of year. what? maybe it was the copious amount of imbibed buoyant bubbles but was i seeing right?

the "emirates melbourne cup" had been won & placed by every horse i didn't bet on & that this strange cheshire smiling catwoman with her shady veil & uniformly fixed cheekbones behind the premier or whoever at the lectern was sending me subliminal messages to go put my money into some oil baron's travel fund [like middle eastern royal families really need it].

how terribly australian. sustainable ethos? not much. act local, think global just fell out a 12,500 metres and climbing window. is it so politically incorrect of me to ask: why is the most profile australian event sponsored by a major saudi arabian company? i know they breed beautiful horses but, but... surely someone else in town had some dosh. as stevie said: "where is dick smith when you need him?" perhaps mr chin nam saw pigs hanging with horses on the flight over.

in the end i guess what keeps the holier than holy horse chase australian is our competitive traditionalist approach to races. in fact any kind of racing will do... especially if it involves alcohol. this more than anything is a sure bet. regardless, i'll save my sanctioned eighteen crop strikes per minute for later. there might be some lucky boy out there who might actually appreciate them. it would seem they're quite capable of racing without. shocking that is not.

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