tie your pumpkin down sport

it's time to face the rumours.


it all started simply enough [as these things do] when two milk crates of pumpkins arbitrarily landed on my kitchen floor with a long length of rope... something about beware of men bearing strange gifts. this is what happens when i generously grant would-be suitors an audience.

this solitary pumpkin looks innocent enough. but that was then...

these gen Z vegetables really need to be shown who's boss... it's important to establish relationship parameters early on. sado-masochism needn't be for humans alone. vegansexuality is a valid form of sensual expression. just ask PETA.

there is extra rope. just in case... it always pays to be prepared. nods at jailed boy scout leader.

as things heat up, the hapless butternut tries to end it all...

but is thwarted.

redefining fetish: can a pumpkin tied up with a truckie's hitch be erotic? the limited release video will be available soon. with alternative endings: one happier than the other [all natural featuring real explosions, no SFX used]. both with rolf harris narration. comes with plain brown paper bag & vegetable peeler.

and in the interim this pumpkin aint going anywhere.