so... i got on the scales earlier today after dusting them off from their lost spot under the pink couch at the corner shop. i don't know what exactly the motivation was but i did start training again this week after an enormously long hiatus. it has been hell.
on the first day i threw up two thirds of the way in. and then continued to work out. that is what you do. today was day two: i hallucinated for a chunk of it, lost vision for a time & my legs became oversized rabbit vibrators. learning to swim by being thrown straight into the deep end. from experience the first three weeks is always the worst.
maybe the weigh-in inspiration was "the biggest loser" the runaway US reality TV franchise produced here by channel ten which is now airing for something like it's 5th successive season in australia. a country obsessed by food [master chef et al] and then how to purge it shows. i sneakily watched two episodes earlier instead of preparing for a video interview. which is still have to do today.
people were losing phenomenal & arguably unhealthily large amounts of weight. like 16 kilos in a week etc... and the cool thing was i was fast tracking even more efficiently than television punters by skimming straight to the weigh-ins. have another tim tam. i'm all over this.
that was my mistake. whilst the cheese and tomato toastie was happily making soft crackling noises from the nearby "hello kitty" appliance in the kitchen i located my inner scan body composition monitor ie. scales & faced a reality served up in a digital interface i wasn't prepared for. being overweight is what happens to other people right? disempowered people with no idea. is this middle-aged spread? domestic bliss? suddenly the whole world spirals...
now those pie in the sky figures & back breasts viewed at 1024 x 768 res don't seem so far flung at all. i am by far the heaviest i've ever been in my life. even more than when nine months pregnant. suddenly all those stories these people are saying on TV whilst half a nation jeers at them for cheap entertainment, strikes a resonating cord. empathy.
all efforts must be doubled. but first let me finish this packet of tim tams & feel a little bit sorrier for myself before facing the rest of the day... and then i remember that the camera adds ten pounds. perhaps we can film this segment after dark?
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