Thursday, July 28, 2011

revved up

this is me with weary yet salacious film festival director jack sargeant at rev AKA revelation: perth international film festival. as captured by evil co-conspirator, multi-award winning experimental filmmaker extraordinaire & great friend, tony lawrence.

it's closing night [sunday july 24, 2011] and my short "salome's picnic" has screened for the last time to a packed theatre with the john waters narrated "of dolls and murder". they go together rather nicely.

my little erotic necrophile film written, directed, produced, designed by & starring me [yes, i'm the semi-naked sick bitch], is up for an IF award but naturally i forget to tell anyone. 

it's time to drink. more. the wagon wheels have long since fallen off. but just for the night.

pink ribbons & bits

it's a family affair... tomorrow night AKA friday july 29 is electric zoo 3. glam electro punk funkster duo, pink ribbons are headlining with uber divine knights who we punk monks have delightedly worked with before also. sydney becomes smaller each day.

to cap off what had been an intensely productive punk monk propaganda fueled/sleep-deprived july, us punk monk chicks run an impromptu photo shoot for the band the night before i leave town for perth.

originally intended as an outdoor shoot, the weather has other ideas... nothing some green bubble wrap & hot pink couches can't take care of in the corner shop living room. ky & i are mother creatures of adaptive invention. 

somewhere in sympathetic distance kate tries to kill her cold with wine. siobhan manages to kill modesty with hers. it just wouldn't be a victoria waghorn set without sexy bits. i manage to get her gear off while ky & i glibly assure siobhan she is not naked. she drinks quickly. the bottle empties rapidly. we exchange camera glances with tyler who coolly poses with eerie professionalism.

this is what we get:

bubble wrap & gaffer tape finally together. at last. glam gutter porn.

punk disco also gets a look in. why the hell not? have shiny disco ball, will travel.

by now siobhan has drunk the bottle dry...

much strangulation follows. it's starting to get loose. soon there might even be an authentic X rated euro trash version. show us your pink bits... 

and ribbons.

we wrap. siobhan immediately voms. pink. has she been eating here?

pink ribbons = siobhan [lady white] & tyler [red dog]
pink punk monk chicks:
producer: kate taylor
director/designer/camera: victoria waghorn
1st AD/camera/everything in between: ky lee menzies

electric zoo 3
sol lounge bar
239 oxford st, sydney
friday july 29, 2011, 20:00 - late.

you can't be a spectator. oh no.

welcome to last night. pulp live. i have the T shirt as evidence.

"you got to take these dreams and make them whole
...come over here babe and talk in the mic. oh yeah i hear you now"

you broke up with me

you broke up 
with me, then 
offered invitation 
to the winery 
- where i met 
your friends.

you seemed anxious  
i would like them
never introducing us
for two years
to answer your question:
- they were fine.

you turned back up 
at the door
i offered my cheek 
but you stole my lips
lingered on 
lou reed personified.

buried your tongue
fist deep inside me 
a jackhammer
pulsating marionette
- the morning after

you held my hand 
too long 
as we crossed the road 
- an old habit
you seemed reluctant 
to let go, i took it back.

at dinner you paid 
said you wanted 
the sander in my shed
you left planning 
to spend your life 

then you disappear 
again, leave me confused 
waiting for comms
lights off 
you watch harry potter 

i'm not here
to serve your whim
at my expense
- perhaps
you could miss me
when we're together.

you broke up 
with me.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

1950s milk bar in a carton

perth, western australia, is the undisputed mecca of flavoured milk. in no other state is masters spearmint milk available. but why?

when one goes to perth it's like stepping into a time loop & going back fifteen years. the pace & palate seem somewhat slower. by no means an entirely bad thing. unless you're confined by the claustrophobic suburban sensibilities meets 2D nouveaux rich flash-in-the-pan consumerist ideology & utterly desperate to escape...

one of my best friends, stevie hails from this place. he left as soon as he could. and his brother not far behind him. despite the open-minded view on strange lactose-based drinks, perth is no oxford street. in fact perth is seemingly so far from sydney that my unwired internet did not work there. no WA coverage they told me when i rang the 1300 number seeking an interwebs fix. seems it is practically another world. apparently the most remote state in the world... where remnants of previous lifeforms can still be found. amongst the living. is spearmint milk the new dinosaur?

my first introduction to this hangover of 1950s soda milk bar culture came via stevie. although the milk bars were nowhere in sight, commercial fridges burst with this stuff every convenience store i entered. 

all i could think as i tenuously embraced dry july is how good it would be with vodka. previously tried & tested back home & a ubiquitous mantra we lushes [ping stevie, fee & ky] hold near & dear on the east coast. in the meantime we are forced to drink our vodka unmixed until ex-patriot perthians successfully lobby for interstate mint milk love. in the immortal words of cyndi lauper: if i could turn back time [there would be lashings of vodka & spearmint milk for everyone]...

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

haiku: when realities lightly kiss

making sense of love
when realities lightly kiss
a pointless pursuit

Sunday, July 24, 2011

good good good, good vibrations

city beach, perth. my borrowed camper van is parked facing west on the edge of the indian ocean. i'm here for rev [revelation - perth international film festival, for the uninitiated]. my mobile film "salome's picnic" plays closing night [tonight] sandwiched between william burroughs & john waters. it's already played to a large crowd in the main theatre the week prior. as far as i'm concerned, i've made it & could die happy now. what magnum opus? 

i'm also here to shoot a film of my exploits. although the adventures keep getting in the way. consequently there's very little footage. a perfect excuse to return.

the van belongs to my beloved sister gina. who unexpectedly gifted her to me when i rocked up planning on shooting a gutter-edge gypsy porn flick on my mobile when i got off the plane. the van slightly messes with my harmony korine vibe. but not much. i can still sing for my supper if need be.

as if by divine providence for a barrage of unanswered requests [which have been long since been returned to sender], all my ships seem to have come in at once. the horizon is littered with them. they sit. silently waiting on the darkest blue rim. in a single canon snap i destroy the phantoms. now their collective soul is in my possession. collection day is nigh.

the beach is practically deserted. what would be considered a balmy warm day by sydney-siders throughout most seasons is viewed by western australians as cold. they visibly shiver except the permanent beach folk, lifesavers & their ilk. i can count my footsteps in the lustrous sand. and wipe the sand off from between my toes before embarking my mobile home. we waghorn chicks are quite house proud.

i like these guys. but wonder what a beach inspector really does? WA seems to be grossly over-policed. i'm sure it's "for all our own good". god only knows i need protecting from myself. 

suddenly i feel much safer. like when the perth CBD cop yelled "redman redman" all "the shining-like" at gina & i when we deigned to cross the road [coincidentally free of traffic] before the lights instructed the braindead citizens to. we escaped the threatened one hundred dollar fee. authoritarian tosser. "thou must not anticipate". thanks moses. soda jerk has really nailed your coffin for me now.

there can't be many better places to exercise & soak up negative ions. this reinforces my resolve to transform from a giant piece of lard into michelle pfeiffer's catwoman meets linda hamilton's sarah connor forthwith. this epic enterprise merely requires a william gibson cyberpunk body lease-out. with sperm bank like stipulations & fine-print. no gyms or recycled oxygen allowed. good vibrations need only apply.

Friday, July 22, 2011

haiku: false flesh promises

false flesh promises
a mirage. your memory
no easy escape

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

haiku: your naked fingers

your naked fingers
distended marshmallow scar
my silent skin pines

Monday, July 11, 2011

like a shadow in the night

if my life had a soundtrack... 
this song would definitely be on it. 
an alltime much overplayed favourite.

♡ ween.

do you ever walk alone? 
like a drifter in the dark 
seeking out what isn't there 
looking only for a spark

from a girl who's all alone 
maybe she's a-driftin' too 
like a shadow in the night 
waitin' just to meet with you

and then perhaps in love you'll stay 
or fall and go your separate ways 
still searchin' for a spark 
like a drifter in the dark

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

toxic beginnings

sneak preview: it doesn't look like much now but welcome to frame one, layer one of the new stop motion visual narrative project em + me cooked up in the punk monk labs. 

meet part 2 of our chronological abstract project for canberra band fun machine [toxic]: we wanted to take on an interesting endeavour & push some boundaries coming off our tried & true liquid light event laurels a bit. challenge is good for the soul.

the incredible punk monks in only a week are producing five films in mini teams [emma sanderson, me [victoria waghorn], ky [ky-lee menzies + dave cheng, kate taylor + siobhan lady pinkton-white, chris tamm + donna hogan] to launch at good god bar july 13 whilst we further develop our concept to collaborate with younes bachir and strings attached for OJO at underbelly arts festival on cockatoo island less than a handful of days later [july 16]. 

there are not enough hours in the day or people to draw, cut or film things. if you want to work with us please step up, we'd love to integrate you into our workshop teams. rust and punk monks never sleep.

satire as survival mechanism

more from the agony and rapture... 

my current sanity bible which provides loads more shits & giggles than christianity could ever manage. except perhaps on southpark. this is my control device. the brake. when i am no longer capable of providing my own. the faerie godmother of instant sobriety. aaaah.

another direct lift from the original. it's so unnecessary to condense or paraphrase. besides right now i can't be trusted. a sonnet or the erotic horror film script with his abandoned toothbrush might sneak in or something. there's plenty of time for that later. once i remember how to sleep.

in the meantime i have diverted my obsession onto steve-o. the author of this guide. my new demi-god. the gold-leafed shrine is coming along nicely complete with warholian photo montage. i've digitally mapped our images & the resulting off-spring are gorgeous. with thick rimmed glasses & monobrows [hi frida]. but exceptionally witty & smart of course. art meets science --> instant hipsters! we have so much in common. without even knowing i exist, i know steve-o understands me. 

it's comforting on lonely nights while my cat with worse abandonment issues than me, quietly [but not quietly enough] urinates into my favourite boots in the corner of the bedroom while i cower under the flannelette covers trying not to think about my S.O. who never eventuated into being particularly significant at all.

*rubs naked self with toothbrush*

Fantasies and daydreams

Daydreams are a huge component of any crush. It is difficult for any one-sided love affair to develop into something meaningful without generous application of one's imagination. After all, you can't fully experience loving someone without shouting out your feelings at a New Years Eve party, telling off/slugging their callous Significant Other, or running off behind the building with them to steal a secret kiss. And since attempting any of these things in real life would result in them finding out that you like them, the only rational option is to set it all up in your mind. There are so many different directions to go with your fantasies, and I do not want to stand in your way by suggesting that the ideas presented here are the only "correct" options. They are merely suggestions to get you started.

An easy way to hone your daydreaming skills is to simply replay the day's events in your head, perhaps with minor variations. You could improve your performance in this way, or maybe add to your Adored One's actions subtle signs of attraction to you.

When composing fantasies, you may be inclined to stay away from cliches and extremely cornball dialogue or events. If you're sure that it's not your thing, that's cool, but I do urge you to at least give it a chance. The whole point here is to be self-indulgent, so, you may as well go all-out on occasion.

Why don't you and that special someone go out together on a quasi-date? You could spend an afternoon at a museum and then have a little picnic in the park while watching an outdoor drama production, or go to a medium-nice restaurant after catching a movie, or take a hike through the woods to a waterfall. All with the pretext of being completely platonic, and all activities which you could quite legitimately share without being secretly in love with them. (I've experienced all of these with no angsty subtext.) During the course of the quasi-date, you will undoubtedly be mistaken for a dating couple at least once. You'll laugh, pretending to find this as silly as your Adored One does. As evening comes and it gets chilly, the lending of a jacket will be in order. Your quasi-date could conclude with a romantic development, or end as ambiguously as it started. Try it both ways and see which you like better.

One of the most popular and emotionally gratifying storylines for a daydream is centered on the idea of winning your Adored One over by sheer force of the power of your love. There are two major variations here: hot and cool.
  • HOT - Frustrated by their perpetual failure to recognize you as their One True Thing, break down and deliver an impassioned, half-angry declaration of your love. Be sure to mention that you've tried to get over them but keep falling all over again, and also that each morning upon being awakened by your alarm you feel a wave of soul-crushing despair when you are jolted from your dreams and find them no longer in your arms. All of this works particularly well if you are standing out in the pouring rain.
  • COOL - First, share a serene, sentimental experience together:
    • Watch the sunset in summer's waning weeks after sneaking into a beautiful park after closing time.
    • Take a midnight stroll through lightly falling snow to give them a chance to talk out something which has been causing them stress or pain recently.
    • Reminisce together about something you did years ago.
    After this beautiful moment, feeling a surge of quiet resolve, you inform your Adored One that you have something to say. Calmly, matter-of-factly describe the nature of your feelings for them, perhaps describing when you first recognized that they were destined to be the love of your life.

After telling them everything, how should your beloved's simulacrum respond?
  • Their reaction to this confession is typically one of flattered surprise, sometimes bordering on complete bafflement. As it begins to sink in, however, you move closer, touching their arm or face, and kiss them. Obviously, they will respond favorably to this.
  • Perhaps they, too, have been hiding feelings for you?
  • "I knew you were interested in me, but I had no idea it was so intense..."
  • If they are already in a relationship, this will lead them to reevaluate what they really mean to their S.O. and whether they might be better off with you.
  • After it's clear that everything is going to work out, you might want to softly sing your favorite lovesong into their ear.

This one is set at some point in the future, at least a year -- maybe several. You long ago resigned yourself to the fact that your Adored One would never see you in the way you see them. Despite this, your feelings have not really changed. The two of you have, thankfully, developed a strong, deep friendship which has served you both very well. They have gone through many unsuccessful relationships while you've remained almost perpetually single (nobody else can really grab your interest). Eventually, though, the gatekeeper of your bliss comes to an epiphany of sorts, wipes the obstructions from their vision, and realizes not just that you are perfect for them, but that you have been in love with them all this time. (This epiphany could be gradual, over the course of a few weeks, until they decide to bring it up. It could also be relatively sudden; maybe you are having a conversation about their latest breakup... "I don't understand it... why can't I just meet somebody who won't go weird on me or treat me like dirt? Why can't I find somebody... like... you...?") After the idea settles in their head, they initiate a kiss, which naturally leads shortly afterwards to hour upon hour of slow, tender, and spiritually transcendant lovemaking. The critical factor here is that you do nothing to reveal your feelings or win them over -- it's all them.

Well, you've been pining for your Adored One for what seems like forever, and nothing has come of it. And sadly, because of work or school, you have to move away, leaving them behind. Over the next few months, though, your Adored One becomes restless, and then distraught as they realize that your departure has left a void in their life that they hadn't anticipated! You can choose between a first or third person perspective for the unfolding events... Imagine the whole scenerio from your own perspective, perhaps receiving emails from your beloved in which they describe their increasing restlessness, even before they realize how much they miss you! Or, you can watch the events of their life directly like a movie in your mind. This approach allows you to witness their epiphany, which is a plus.--Suggested by "Jessica" in Tacoma

Tragedy can be an emotional catalyst. You may like to try out a "damsel in distress"/"strong man with irresistable vulnerability" type fantasy where you place your Adored One in a bad situation and then swoop in to save them. They could be grieving over the loss of a family member or pet, for example, and in need of comfort. Maybe they were in an accident -- hit by a car right in front of your eyes! Quickly, run to them! Cradle them with tears running down your cheeks and ride along in the ambulance. (They'll be okay, don't worry.) You could go as far as to rescue them from a mugging, if that's your thing. There are many variations on the "mistreated by their S.O." theme, too, ranging from melodramatic physical or emotional abuse to a more subtle form of hurt brought about by callousness, spite, infidelity, or a plain failure to understand the heart and mind of your beloved.

Here is a series of further fantasies using on the "rescue" motif, sent by 'Hannah from Great Yarmouth', who is clearly an expert daydreamer:
If you have reached the stage of saving the Light of Your Life, and you are in need of a fantasy of a more elaborate construction, try turning the tables. In the format for the classic �rescue me� -- to be fluffed up with your own details -- you have just had a furious argument with your loved one in which you perhaps condemned them for their harsh treatment of you in your despair. They have replied in a suitably uncaring-seeming manner (disguising their deeper, untapped feelings for you). In your angst you turn and run from them, sobbing your little heart out, only to head blindly into the path of a car. As the speeding vehicle approaches your Delight is struck with terror at the thought of losing you and runs to save you, heedless of the danger they are putting themselves in. Here you can split, depending on your mood or preferred style.
In the first your Hero succeeds in reaching you, knocking you out of the path of the car and taking the brunt themselves. Here we revert to going with them in the ambulance etc, except this time when they wake up and you are the first person they see, holding their hand, never leaving their side, they break down, professing their undying love for you, and how it never hit them until that split second in which they thought they might lose you forever.
In the second, slightly more self-indulgent option (but hey, what�s a little ridiculous sentimentality for if not for fantasyland?), something happens that stops your Beloved from reaching you (perhaps -- if you are in the mood for it -- the classic Two Men With an Obscure Pane of Glass routine) in time, and the car hits you. You fly up into the air as the vehicle screeches to a halt, and land unconscious on the ground. At this moment you switch to third person and watch as the Adored One runs to your side, believing you to be dead. As they accompany you in the ambulance and hold the vigil by your bedside (holding your hand and kissing your peacefully closed eyes) you could even replay all your encounters from their point of view, seeing them from a new, loving light. When you eventually wake up and switch back to your own perspective, it is to find them holding your hand, white as a sheet and -- can that be tears in their eyes? You are confused and scared to find yourself in a hospital and full of tubes, but your Treasured one recognises your panic right away, calmly shushes you, perhaps stroking you hair soothingly, then leans forward and kisses you gently. You then fall asleep happily in their arms.

There are a hundred variations of the �rescue me� theme. Another simple favourite is to pick a �friend� that is being particularly mean at the moment (such a �friend� is, after all, dispensable). In this situation they have said something especially hurtful, and you have run away to a hiding place of your own (probably a classroom, but adjust accordingly). All that has to happen now is for the One You Desire to happen across you in your hidey hole, take you into their arms, and to hold you close against them. As you pour your troubles out to them they take one look at your puffed up, red, blotchy face, and fall helplessly in love with you.

A short but sweet one is to come home and find them sitting in the rain on your doorstep. When you approach they say nothing, just stand up, take one look at you and take your breath away with the most amazing kiss ever. No explanation. No storyline. No complaints.

Finally, there is the Old Faithful. Works in every book and film you care to name, and so is naturally suited to fantasies. Let it be midnight. Let it be raining. Let you be running away in despair, certain that you have lost them forever. Let Loved One realise their undying love for you, and come chasing after you. Whilst you are wrapped up in your raincoat, they are wearing just a thin white shirt. Let them eventually catch up with you on a bridge (an old haunt where you used to stand together and discuss your love lives, which you have visited as a last goodbye to your life of misery, and where they instinctively knew you�d be). Let them beg for your forgiveness over some cruelty. Be vigilant. Don�t give in just yet. Are you sure they are worth your love? In fact, you might even turn away from them. But not too fast, so that they have time to catch your arm and make some final impassioned attempt. Then give in. Stand there kissing in the rain. All night.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

tie your pumpkin down sport

it's time to face the rumours.

it all started simply enough [as these things do] when two milk crates of pumpkins arbitrarily landed on my kitchen floor with a long length of rope... something about beware of men bearing strange gifts. this is what happens when i generously grant would-be suitors an audience.

this solitary pumpkin looks innocent enough. but that was then...

these gen Z vegetables really need to be shown who's boss... it's important to establish relationship parameters early on. sado-masochism needn't be for humans alone. vegansexuality is a valid form of sensual expression. just ask PETA.

there is extra rope. just in case... it always pays to be prepared. nods at jailed boy scout leader.

as things heat up, the hapless butternut tries to end it all...

but is thwarted.

redefining fetish: can a pumpkin tied up with a truckie's hitch be erotic? the limited release video will be available soon. with alternative endings: one happier than the other [all natural featuring real explosions, no SFX used]. both with rolf harris narration. comes with plain brown paper bag & vegetable peeler.

and in the interim this pumpkin aint going anywhere.

Monday, July 4, 2011

F is for fun machine. no WD40 required.

my weekend was filled with fun. fun machine to be precise.

i guess when you come from canberra you have to make your own fun. and they do. then promptly injected sydney with it in a direct frontal lobotomy strike. there is no escape. the machine cogs in motion, fun is awfully contagious.

feet tap irrepressibly, smiles expand faces & lighten eyes, arms stretch high up into the hazy rainbow sky. we all share a great cosmic joke together. crowd & band are lubricated as one. aaah, deja vu.

the outdoor winter crowd goes crazy & hop wildly from start to finish like mad tripping frogs. on the bumpy road nee much-loved carpet heated by the lifesaving crucifix-carved 10 gallon drum-fire fueled on gathered wood pallets, dancing torsos mash together emergency blanket style illuminated by to die-for lights.

bec, the sexy singing drummer gets lost in her furiously funked rhythmic vibe.

...leading chris & ramsey on a sequinned love vibe. hot pants, spandex and glitter glam are de rigeur. this is a tropical night for ACTsiders after all.

we've defrosted too. i stay till the end with my darling dry july peeps & later we skip off into the night without the need for an early morning kebab indulgence for a change. no excess alcohol to soak up. strangely good. skipping not staggering or slurring.

with buoyant energy we collectively build on the creative brief we traveled to the warehouse gig with before seeing fun machine live. although we love the EP, the band has surpassed our expectations. we're now engaged to the power of infinity. pretty much. we leave harbouring mini stage crushes.

punk monk propaganda will be heating things up even further when these fun[k]-filled foxes return to sydney for their EP launch on july 13. 

rumour has it that we're developing a projected visual stop motion narrative in the form of a film serialisation as well as projecting our poetic eye candy live on the night. we can't wait to see either. good god!

fun machine EP launch -- desert creatures
good god small club
55 liverpool street
july 13, 2011